From The Onion

Having Gone This Far Without Caring About Syria, Nation To Finish What It Started

"According to a recent poll, 85 percent of Americans said they actually care less about Syria now than they did at the outset of the country’s antigovernment protests; 57 percent admitted to almost caring after they learned of the systematic rape of thousands of Syrian women by troops, but said they “were still going to see this whole not-caring thing through”; and 30 percent said that while they acknowledge the conflict is a major human rights issue, they will forge ahead with their cold-blooded lack of compassion purely for the sake of consistency, and also because they “honestly and truly don’t give a shit.” "